if things work out we're meant out to be

Rock Garden

Fri, 10 May 2013 03:29:13 -0400

He turns to me and says,
“One day, you are going to
wake up and find that the world has
passed you by.
You will wake up on your couch
surrounded
by empty cans of Brisk and ghosts
but no one will have died–
Everyone will just be someone else
but you will be the same.
Like a rock in the middle of a
garden you will stay unmoving while everything else
blooms and grows and reaches towards the sun.
People you forgot to keep in touch with will no longer exist.
I will be gone, I’ll be someone else.
To you, I’ll be the boy you
loved in high school,
who didn’t love you back,
and the girl you sat next to in Biology who wasn’t quite as
clever as you are is now a doctor and you are
alone.”
I know that he is right, but all I say is
“I didn’t love you.”
(I am lying)
He shakes his head and gets up
to leave, but he turns one last time and
smiles and I pretend that he is saying that he
loved me back.

Sometimes I want to reach out And hold you But I am too scared To touch you Because Our...

Wed, 13 Mar 2013 02:23:45 -0400

Sometimes
I want to reach out
And hold you
But
I am too scared
To touch you
Because
Our tenuous relationship
Is like spun sugar
Delicate
Messy
And too much
Makes my head hurt

tired

Sun, 03 Mar 2013 02:55:20 -0500

i really would like to stop

feeling for you

to stop feeling love

for you

to stop feeling hate

towards you

to stop feeling angry

at you

to stop feeling nervous

around you

you don’t make any sense

and frankly,

i’m exhausted

i don’t want you

and logically

i understand this

but i look at you and feel

sick to my stomach

and these “butterflies”

are no longer new

the novelty has worn off

is there a vaccine i can take for my heart

is there an antibiotic i can use?

because i just want to stop caring about you.

to be fair,

i like being friends with you

you’re a nice person

but it’s so hard to function

when every time you don’t respond

is like a knife to the heart

and every girl who isn’t me

is like stab in the back.

it just makes me so

annoyed

and the wounds

have become more like

mosquito bites

and i

just

want it

stop.

okay

Mon, 18 Feb 2013 03:16:18 -0500

you called me
not to say hello
not to wish me a good day
nothing like that

you called
because you had a favor to ask
but I didn’t mind
I said I’d do it
but you didn’t say goodbye
we sat in the silence on the phone

till I said “okay”
only then did you hang up

the silence wasn’t even
five seconds
but it felt like a forever

i only said okay
to break the silence
but it felt like a confession

can i take back everything i’ve written about you i don’t even know what it was that...

Fri, 08 Feb 2013 04:20:00 -0500

can i take back everything i’ve written about you

i don’t even know what it was that entranced me so

the magic has gone like the morning dew

at two o’clock in the afternoon

i would like to understand what switched off

or even who else switched it on

for experimental reasons, of course

To see why the proverbial spark is gone

one two faces bluefrozen by the ice and split in twothree four open doortripped by the threshold,...

Mon, 28 Jan 2013 15:01:00 -0500

one two faces blue
frozen by the ice and split in two
three four open door
tripped by the threshold, dead on the the floor
five six wall of bricks
trapped by corners and out of tricks
seven eight falling straight
off the edge of cliff while tempting fate
nine ten noisy men
at the bottom of the ocean, silent again.

rift

Tue, 08 Jan 2013 03:58:21 -0500

when you haven’t seen someone for a while
someone has to start up conversation
but they have to do it in a window of time
after you’ve made eye contact
if no one says anything
you’ve missed your opportunity
the gap begins to grow
suddenly you’ve been acknowledging without speaking
without explanation
to speak now would prompt questions
questions that you don’t know the answer to
I think about this as I see you, but do not wave
I think about it as you address not me, but someone slightly to my left
I pick apart every second that ticks by from when I looked up and you looked back
Suddenly you turn and make some remark
I smile back.
The seemingly endless gap suddenly disappears with a pop
like a black hole.

I sigh.
With relief? With irritation?

I find that I do not care.

snowless

Mon, 17 Dec 2012 04:58:04 -0500

i go outside so i can look at the snow

i want to watch the little white flakes come down

land on my eyelashes

put some color in my cheeks

but it doesn’t snow where i live

i go outside and the sky is clear

the moon shines bright

like it is mocking me

so i go back inside

and turn up the music

because there are worse things to be than

snowless

slowly

Tue, 11 Dec 2012 02:57:00 -0500

I turn the handle all the way to cold

it reminds me what it is like to be warm

it soaks all the way to my bones

till the marrow is frozen

then I step out and shake it off.

slowly,

heat wraps its fingers around me

it seeps into my skin

it thaws the ice in my veins

I close my eyes

I let it wrap me in sleep

The Future

Sat, 08 Sep 2012 05:35:49 -0400

I lie awake restless

every night

worrying

about what will happen to me

I toss and turn

imagining

my future

planning

for things I’m not even sure about

I debate about

wanting

it to hurry up

or just never arrive at all.

In and Out, Like a Tide

Thu, 16 Aug 2012 18:38:00 -0400

he was born in the summer

and lived in the sea

floated away into the sunset

in a coke bottle with me

we saw the whole world

from our glass boat

held on during the hurricanes

and tried to stay afloat

only after the hundredth storm

and another brush with death

did i realize that that if he died

the grief would take away my breath

one day we washed up on shore

and as we stepped onto the land

he let go and walked off until

all that was left was his footprints in the sand

the sadness hit me like i knew it would

but to my surprise, i did not die

i held my head up and walked away

only when december came did i let myself cry

the tears froze on my cheeks

and i put them away for a rainy day

i smiled at the sun and thanked her for the warmth

and she told me that it would be okay.

I curl into the night Without bones Slide off my chair Without my spine I close my eyes and drift...

Wed, 15 Aug 2012 18:54:12 -0400

I curl into the night

Without bones

Slide off my chair

Without my spine

I close my eyes and drift away

Without a thought

I disappear into the woodwork

Without color

Almost a person but not quite

Without a soul

Closure

Thu, 07 Jun 2012 02:43:50 -0400

I’ve decided that this is the last thing

I will ever write for you

So I will try to make it count.

You deserve more than the unread scribbles

Of an unremarkable poet

And I’m sure you will receive more.

I’ve realized that I care too much for you

Because in the end, these poems are for me

More than they are for you.

You will not see them,

For I will not show you

But in my heart I know, and that is enough.

This is not the best thing I have written for you

But I smiled at you yesterday and you smiled back,

So it doesn’t matter.

It is time to let you go,

In fact, it was time to let you go a long time ago,

But I remained hopeful.

This poetry does not flow,

Does not rhyme as I hoped it would

But nor did we.

Goodnight, dear

Tue, 29 May 2012 02:51:00 -0400

It’s the last minute of my entire life

And I could spend it on you

60 seconds of your smiling face

Of your infectious laughter

The last moment of my entire existence

And I could give it to you

Let you fill my thoughts

As I quietly drift away

The last second of my time on earth

And I could think of you

Of your beautiful murmurs

And your comforting shoulder

I have one thought left before I have to go

And I could think of you,

But I don’t.

I give the time

To the blue of the sky

The clean smell of the rain

And the feeling of freshly washed sheets

I think of biking downhill

With a bag full of new books

Stories in the pages waiting for me to look

Wind blowing in my hair

I remember freshly baked bread

On the vine ripened tomatoes

Home made chocolate chip cookies

Quite nearly almost burnt toast

But I let you grab my hand anyway

As my eyes close for the last time

Wednesdays and Lies

Fri, 27 Apr 2012 04:40:00 -0400

On Tuesday morning

I discovered

That I had missed your late night call

And I found that I didn’t care at all

But then the next day I was tricked by your enjoining smiles

And I pretend to love you for a while

It’s now Thursday afternoon

And you don’t recognize me

So I think to myself who is he?

But the entire thing is a tragedy

You and I acting out our daily roles

Letting the heat dissipate from the coals

Of the hypothetically imaginary flame

Of a possible love affair

One we knew wasn’t there

And it’s a whole month of Sundays

Yet we still haven’t talked

But I’ve memorized the way you walk

The thread connecting you and I

Is woven together with Wednesdays and lies

As deceptively delicate as a spider’s web

Let’s try again and close our eyes.

Daydreams

Fri, 03 Feb 2012 02:53:31 -0500

Sometimes when I’m by myself
I imagine me with you
Running off to far off lands
With so much left to do

We rule the world with iron fists
And giggle behind closed doors
We ponder the meaning of our dreams
And what we were made for

We steal hotels and sleep in jewels
And stare up tall skyscrapers
Staring off into infinity
In this town made of paper

Then I see you and I say hello
You didn’t hear or answer back
I don’t mention our adventures
Because of the confidence I lack

I’ve fallen in love with the idea
Of you as a perfect person
The more intricate I spin this tale
The more my affliction worsens

You aren’t the one who comes with me
To distant far off places
You’re two very different people
With very similar faces

But I let myself imagine
That beneath your boring shell
The swashbuckling endearing daredevil
Lies inside as well

the inquiries of the human mind never want an audience fear of judgement and mistakes keep...

Fri, 03 Feb 2012 02:39:47 -0500

the inquiries of the human mind
never want an audience
fear of judgement and mistakes
keep innovations stuck inside
only when the cacophonous din
of the whole wide world
is shut out from the soul
do ideas come out to play

In the light of the evening And the shade of the sun As we all drift off to sleep In our beds, one...

Tue, 25 Oct 2011 15:28:00 -0400

In the light of the evening

And the shade of the sun

As we all drift off to sleep

In our beds, one by one

Our deepest wishes come out

To imagine and play

Secret goals and our deepest desires

That never see the light of day

We let ourselves pretend

For just a few short hours

That we can accomplish anything

Unobserved we find our powers

The shy and the meek

Step out of their shells

Because they know that the night will never tell

But then the moon and the stars

Wave a solemn goodbye

As the harsh light of day

Conquers the sky

Suspension

Tue, 25 Oct 2011 15:25:00 -0400

If the so many mishaps

That happen to you

Make you think that

Everything has been designed

To ruin your life

Think about yourself in comparison

To the planet you call home

You a re a single drop of rain

Falling on the dirt

Your mark soon erased

By everyone else

And the only thing

Left behind is the petrichor

The Earth isn’t making things happen to you

We are happening

And we are wearing it down

But it has endured worse

A billion times over

Since before humans walked the earth

Volcanic eruptions and asteroids

Making permanent marks

Freezing time to understand

How it feels to be suspended in space

Between a great everything

And a vast nothing

Confused as to which is which

Is it wrong to be tired of being young? Is wrong to be done with being alone? Can I finally finish...

Mon, 24 Oct 2011 19:41:53 -0400

Is it wrong to be tired of being young?
Is wrong to be done with being alone?
Can I finally finish being told to grow up?
Can I dislodge myself from this demographic of gossip and giggles?
Do you mind if I skip the growing up stage?
Skip to being old and weathered with age?
I’d like sit in a rocking chair and fall asleep
Full of nostalgia and memories and lots of regret
I’ll long for the times that made me weep
The times that I haven’t experienced yet